Book a Smear Test NOW!

Written by Lolly

A few months ago I arrived home to find a letter laying in the hallway for me. Thinking is was another bill so I left it for a few days to open it (as ya do)!

Upon opening that letter it was from Cervical Check to say that it has been 3 years since my last smear! Fair play to them I said to myself because I would have never thought of it. Nice to know they are on their toes!

I rang and I booked but I purposely didn’t turn up as I am absolutely useless for pain. My pain threshold is USELESS (literally) God Love me if I ever have a baby they will have to knock me out.

Cervical Smear sent me another reminder that I had missed my appointment and expressed the importance of having one done. My conscious was hitting in and I realised that this could potentially save my life if God forbid I had any abnormal cells up there. So I took the plunge and turned up this morning and if you are squeamish don’t read on.

Needless to say I am not going to candy coat or make out how nice it is to have a Smear Test particularly when you have a zero pain threshold like me. I’d say the Doctor thinks I am a few sandwiches short of a picnic (she’s most likely right there too)

The Doctor was nice she walked me through the procedure and got me to sign a form. She asked me to lay up on the bed and spread eagle. So I yanked off the tights and pulled down the knickers and sat up on the bed. Absolutely bricking it I won’t lie to you.

She pulled a Lamp right close up to my Vagina and I said to myself OMG is she going to stick that think up my Fidelma surely not….

Thankfully she just used it for light so she could get a right look up there. Then she pulls out this fairly big silver instrument and warned me in advance that I would feel some pressure when she inserted it. I tried so hard to think of something else but I just couldn’t. It was like she was yanking me up with a car jack and spreading the walls of my vagina. I was panting and breathing very heavily. Is all the Doctor kept saying was “Oh your Cervix is right at the back” “Oh I’m sorry about this”

She kept pushing the car jack in me because it wouldn’t go in. She eventually asked me to put my two arms under my bum so my body would be tilted (almost like if you were doing a pelvic tilt at a pilates class) Is all I kept thinking was Christ women please get this over with. In she shoved three swobs not a bother on her and scraped the walls of my vagina (again not candycoated) it was scraped! Ouch!

She pulled the Car jack down and told me that we were all done and advised me that my results wouldn’t be back for 6 weeks. Great! 6 weeks to wait to see if you have abnormal cancer cells (Where’s the Wine and did I mention my poor Fidelma is battered). Feels like I have had a painful period is the only way to describe it.


However, I am glad it’s all over and done with and I feel a sense of my womanly duty has been completed to take care of my body.

Ladies Cervical Smear Tests CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE!
I did not write this blog to put you off from having one. I wrote it to show you how important it is to have one!

Fidelma went through five minutes of an invasion of her privacy but I can I can tell you I would rather go through that slight pain than to have to endure what a cancer patient has to. I don’t think there is anyone is the World who hasn’t experienced some person in their lives or within their families that has been hit by cancer. If you haven’t I can tell you it is not nice!


If you don’t want to do it for yourself do it for your family! Once a cancer victim is gone from the World it is devastating on the effects of people they leave behind let alone what the person goes through.


TELEPHONE: 1800 45 45 55

About the author


Lolly is Ireland’s newest and most exciting blogger, fashionista, lifestyle commentator and general all-round socialite. The former Miss Irish Sun has frequently been featured and photographed with other internationally renowned models from some of the biggest agencies in the world and has magazine shoots with the likes of Miss World Roseanna Davison no less.

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